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(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2005|01:19 pm]
warning:depressing rant,
i feel completley shit. I HATE my skin, i hate my face. Why the fuck does it look so shit all the time. i cant win. this clearasil is making it greasy lookign you can see all my pores. in fact its not even greasy just dirty looking even thuogh i clean it. its not fair, why does this stupid dermatologist appointment have to take so long. WTF am i supposed to do until then!? i can wear makeup every day because they might get worse.
I HATE my hair as well its ALWASY fluffy. I always have loooooooots of small strands of hair on end and even when i use conditioner its the same. I just look shit all round, i really do. I hate going to sixth form because of it becaus enoone has spots or acne liek me with shit skin as wlell, or fluffy hair or a nice fat horribble, dog looking face. And this is all true, it is. Im supposed to be in tech right now but i feel to shit to go in, why should i when i feel liek this. Now though all that bloody hard workign or turning up to every pointless fkn registration is worthless because i wont get bloody ema.
Arts shit as well, the topics shit. Its not broad enough for me i liek a guideline. Everyhting baout it is so deep as well its ridicilously stupid. The only subject im enjoying is textiles as wlel and im missin git. I havent enjoeyd tech for so long an di hate not goign today but i look and feel so shit i cant.

My mum gone to pik rebel up at farnborough now. She takes these IBN tablest for her stomach because she hs slight irritable bowels. Shes gone and taken an oevrdose though this afternoon and so mum and frans are taking her to the hospital.

apart from that nothing else
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(no subject) [Sep. 13th, 2005|08:41 pm]
[Current Music |watching spooks]

 I got my dermatologist appointment yeay!^__^   lukily i got the nice doctor. She checked everyhting i'd tried before hand on her computer, the lsit was huuuge! some of the stuff i dont even remember taking lol. She's reffered me to this new dermatologist guy, called sheila!!lol (yeah well i thougth it was funny). Anyway all i have to do now is wait for the letter through the post :)

Sixth form is goign okayish. I've turned up to every lessson so far its just the work. Its gettingit all down and thinking of new ways to presents pages. I think ill paint and us emy free wallpaper boarder smaple si took from homebase.Textiles is a little more interesting as we have a goal an aim. I'm gonna go to primark tomorrow to see if they have any black, boned vest tops. If they dont, that tech teachers dead ^__^. I'm not supposed to have home study in sixth form but i go home anyway with the amount of free lessons i have, and i do try and work Lukily thought omorrow afternoon, it's usually rec, and we'll all be signing up for what we wanna do. Then after that we usualy have the rest of the afternoon off and rec starts the week after, so ill have time for primark!

I also havent seen the woman who's supposed to be buying one og my baby guineas, for  awhile now. she said somehtign baout a holiday and 'October' so maybe she either comes back then or is just ill and leaves then! theyre starting to grow now and i dont wanna get to attatched to them or else it'll be harder letting them go. The blind guinea is doign gd to, their all healthy!

From my pay i have left £17 ish. I didnt spend it all though (as usual) i had a £135 overdraft to cover, thanks to bank charges! Im selling stuff on ebay to get me more money becaus eits mums birthday this month. I have EMA to so that'll help! i'll have more than enough, which should leave me with some to buy the new corrs cd coming out! 1 day before mums bday to lol. heres the cover

 i thinks its great!! probably because it's naturalistic but its very different! shoudl attract a few more fans of  'cover judgers' *coughs* sarah*.

Anyway spooks is on and im bloody missing it!!

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(no subject) [Sep. 11th, 2005|01:36 pm]
I've had a cry just now. My mum suggested for me to go to a dermatologist for my spots which im very glad about as i know my face products arnt very good, but they're the best out of the lost ive tried. Ive wanted to go for a while now but hadn't said anything. I'm goign to the doctor tomorrow with mum to be asked to get reffered. Hopefully the apppointment will come through soon and it hsoudltn be too long. I hope the dermatologist can sort it out, i know theyre ognna have to try different thinsg on me, which im worried baout abit because i dont want them getting worse! im gonna have to wear makeup to work, make myself look half decent/ Sixth form though has teh worse lighting, makes you look even more shit.
Anyway i want to go back to the optician soon i dont wanna be blurry forever. I think theyve forgotten about me though as they ahvent contacted me and becca for over a year now. Probably got pissed of we lost our glasses all the time and told them we never wore them.
I have to go to town today to buy a blakc mini dress for tech. Im gonna make it lonnger by attaching material on it and some long sleeves. when ive drawn a pic ill post it on here.
Anyway im kinda feeling shit then kinda not, half and half. I hasnt held a guiena for a whiel untillast night, theyre very cute!
oh yeah! my other guiena gave birth pinky. she gave birth to one. Its brown, black and brown. It's also blind though as it ran into a wall and kinda jumpe dup it to, didnt know where it was going. But it isnt really a problem they get used to their surroundings quickly.
I think Autumn weather has FINALLY kicked in!! god, ive been waiting for so long, and now its here! i love the coldness, the the dullness in the sky, teh darkness. I lve the fresh feeling though, when you wake up and the air is fresh, instead of muggy and hot in crappy sumemr.

Anyway im gonna go now cos last time i tyepd something real long in internet explorer crapped up!
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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2005|10:43 pm]
yo ma people! *bows*

I havent updated here in so bloody long, so i thougth id pop in and say hey! so much has happened though, id onyl tell the things i can be bothored to say ^_____^

school, sixth form bit, im staying just about. I had to concvince edge thuogh which was embarassing but turned out good lol. i was sitting thre trying sooooo hard not to cry i didnt even know why!! it couldve been aunt flow or either she was due, but i even sat their and triiiied real ahrd to hold back these pathetic, useless, tears of crap. So instead i ended up choking whilst i talked lol.
I go back anyway this wednesday, 3 days. Im gonna start my art tomorrow alogn with textiles. Im sort of lookign foward to it, the projects are much better. Textiels is challenging though, i hate people having to look at my work or pay attention to me. I'm too self concious as well which is what i dred about going back. I think ive changed baout, image wise. I dont liek confronting people or tlkn to them much, especially oens i dont tlk to often. Ill have to get over it though.
Becca as well will eb of to farnborough and i realised i'd have none to tlk to or spend lunch with when shes gone as donna most likeley, wont be attending anymore. Ive figured though ill sit in the pottery and do work lunch and breaks, i hate sixth form area and thats the only place i can go. get some work done too.

Everything else is sort of ok. I'm hoping these bloody tablets will take the next notch up soon, theyve been working abit so far. my spots are 'less aggressive' than tehy used to so they've been working, yet i still get the odd ones on my forhead and chin, those odd big ones i hate.
This wieght thign is pissing me of to. I think ive put some on put im never ever sure. I can feel somehtings different in some places, face and stomach. stomach im blaming on aunt flow for now, shes nearly over anyway.
I hope though wokingham havent forgotten that i asked for a dietician, they wrote it down. I never actually wnated the appointment before as much but i wnat it more now. Ill give it till our next meeting, or ill stop eating and they'd have to give me on instead! ha!lol.

I should be of to bed soon, the hunder and lightening's passed over and the guineas arnt sqeacking anymore!
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(no subject) [Jul. 18th, 2005|07:12 pm]
[Current Mood |sadsad]

well i have a few things to tell. 1)..... My mum wedding was fantastic!!!! we had jesters entertaining us whilst we were eating! to save me from typing everything out again, i saved my conv to a friend on word, so im copying and pasting it here, so its gonna sound very conversation type, yeah lol. It's long btw but some of its soooo funny.

completley different to what i expected it to be. we managed to get some nice makeup in the end like say, £90 worth, lol. But we got a free bag and i didn’t pay, mum did. It was all Dior and really good stuff. We went to Fennicks department store which was of course expensive, dior, yves st. Lauren etc, but its Windsor lol. We couldn’t find the Elizabeth Arden but yeah, Dior was good.The girl at the dior counter put the makeup on us as well for free, as a trial to see which shades we were, etc. Anyway, we said we were going to a wedding and my mum was telling us to watch how she put it on so we could do it later Then the woman said if we came back around 2ish she'd put it all on us again, we just ahd to bring along what we'd brought! so later we did, and she put free eye shadow and liner on to. Then i remanded rebel we hadn’t done our nails, and completely unexpected the woman said i could just choose any color and stick some one, as she was doing rebels makeup first. I was soooo chuffed, it was speed-dry and lasts really well. i still have it on! my nails look a little fake though where I’d grown them so long. Also, i decided to buy my mum this wedding present. Round the corner from the hotel this guy had set up this stall and was selling these lovely different colored glass candle holders all shapes and sizes. the had flowers inside and everything, cant quite describe it. I decided to buy my mum this lovely candle lamp, which was clear glass with a red rose in it and bubbles all around (it was set in a jelly). I chose the red rose one it'd remind....  Her fo the wedding more. All our flower armaments had red roses. Anyway, chuffed, i rang bk to the hotel room being reallllly late for the wedding, but on the way the bag with her gift in, smacked up against the side of a bloody door. I didn’t have enough time to go back to get another one (even though i realized he’d given me the wrong shape anyway lol) so me and rebel  decided to get changed. Then teh wedding planner, martin, knocked on our door and said they were all waiting for us down there!!! so we said give us a minute and he said we didn’t have one but he left anyway and sad he'd meet us down there. soo....In the space of 5minutes, stuck my dress on, sprayed my hair and straightened the fronts, went to the lift. When we got downstairs to Henry VIII room mum and frans’ were there. So we apologized and they didn’t mind. I horridly stuck my necklace on and then realized i had my shell on to so ripped it off my neck and gave it to the bar tender to look after lol. Everyone was already sitting down inside. We then went in this room behind the back of the one everyone was in. We waited there and were told what to do. Me and rebel had to go and walk in FIRST! It was the most exposed thing id ever done!!! it was really weird, and i was the first on to come out! It was the most exposed thing id ever done!!! it was really weird, and i was the first on to come out! EVERYOEN looked and more than half were taking pictures. It was soo weird! and my cousin wa staking a video of it all lol Anyway, i walked out with rebel behind and tried to smile and somehow walk slow despite having a huge adrenaline from a long run lol. we then got to the top and parted to one side each. Then mum and frans came. The ceremony was so weird i hadn’t been to one before lol But it was so sweet very nice.Then there was an opportunities to take pictures with mum sitting on the chair at the front and looking like she is signing the 'book' with frans next to her. Mum then asked us to come over and have our picture taken with her so we did. But i had NEVER seen so many cameras at me, or all at one time. i didn’t know where ot look, it was just a huge crowd of people flashing their cameras. It was soo weird. i think those photos will look crap though cos my parting was showing and i look better with the hair scraped back to cover it lol anyway. Dominic read a reading as well which was funny and niice. (ill show u pics of course when we get them). Then (i loved this bit) as mum and frans were walking out, queen's 'we are the champions' was playing haha. Then, we all went down to the dungeon and had a realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly nice cider punch which i had second helpings to (would have had third but i felt full of drink lol). Then, we all went to the eating area, which was teh most unexpected part that blew me away (apart from all the bloody camera snapping thiang). Me and rebel and my brothers and  Nan and granddad, sat with mum and frans on the main table at the front which was nice. And then,. these jesters started playing irish music on violins and guitars. They were fantastic entertainment, especially the lead guy. He played a game with us at the beginning.....He was going on about knights and said "now, i think that the most beautiful, important and grandest woman should choose who should be knighted!" he chose my mum and she stood up and chose my godfather haha (didn’t choose frans as he was hers and it  is supposed ot be someone less grand. we all had to act as if it was proper medieval times, you'll fine out more later). So my godfather went up....

 oh, oh, also, the jester said "you must chooose someone handsome, some one strong and kind (not sure last two are right but handsome was cos it was funny). Anyway, godfather, Phil, went up and he said to him "now, everyone, do you agree he is handsome? and we all yelled "no" haha. Well, some said yes, the odd woman that stuck for him, but it was funny, Then, the jester took a huge, 4-5 litre medieval looking beer jug, and said, that to prove he deserved to be a knight, he had to "drink this". Phil looked worried then, btu then, teh jester said "yes, you have to drink this..." and took a really mini, shot glass sized jug out of the large one instead lol. So phil downed it and we all cheered. Then the jester said, "now, you must choose a beautiful, kind and generous lady to knight you". so obviously he chose his wife, god mum Caroline (she’s such a laugh, loud, very like my mum). so Caroline went up and the jester gave her a sword and told phil to now on one knew and she had to knight him. so as she was about to do ti he said "no no, not the sharp.. Bit "lol. When she knighted him he got up and then we cheered of course.Before hand as well, teh jester wa sgoing on about how men weer the stronger sex, in medeival times. So, he did a test to fin out (this is sooo funny).... He said "alright, now, to determine which sex is stronnger, the man (phil) will have to go and kiss alll the lady's here, and the the lady (carl) will have to go and kiss all the males, and whoeevr finishes first is teh strongest. So they started on one end of the room each, and away they went! it was absolutely hilarious!!! fantastic! all us woman were cheering for caroline and even the jester was trying to hold up phil lol....They got halfway round and even when they met, they kissed ecah other (sweet) so, both had nearky finished, but phil was ahead. Phil then had to run to the front but then, he missed out oma, frans mum!lol so he ran over and kissed her, but then he a;so had to kiss the maidens that were serving haha. So caroline caught up, and they both ran to the front, but phil made it!!!! The jester than said to us "all men rise!" and teh did including the little kiddy boys lol. he said "it was a medieval tradition that before they drank al, you had to yell "all hail ale!" and take a huuuuuuge swig of their drink. ok, so lets try it..." and so the jester continued "whose Ale!!?" followed by "All hail Ale!" Then, they lady's had to stand up and we done the same thing!!lol And then, before the beginning of every course (4 course meal!) we all had to stand and say "All hail Ale!" Throughout our meal as well, the jesters played Irish music (they also played ‘laough on erin shore lol). But before anything started the jester made us "vigorously away from side to side" along to this real upbeat tune they played, its was really good near the end of the meal as well, we had to sway again, but, "now, sway left, right, forward and back" that was tricky!!lol Anyway after that my mum cut the cake and we went to the dance area/bar and lovely cider punch place.It was reeeeealllly goood and we walked out of the dungeons to the hotel room a couple of times, everyone stared as they walked past, so funny Apparently as well, martin said to us "the guys (jesters) were really tame tonight, they're always very crude and rude, but due to the kids.." lol that would've been a laugh well, even more so

 oh yeah, and caroline came up to me after the meal and said she had some confetti and wanted to stick it in my mums bed. So i got hold of mum and frans' card and we sneaked out halfway through and put confetti under her sheets, in her bath and in-between ehr towels. We made sure as well there was no trace until she got into her bed or lifted a towel, etc lol


asked mum this morning if she found it and she did, she thought it was nice lol stuck to her but liked it lol


i'm really pissed or and worried. i went to mr edge today and he said to me "dont assume you're coming back next year". I was supposed to have a meeting with him and slater last wednesday but she wasnt in. he said we can have it tomrorow the meeting so is said i cnt, im going to holland. He was a bit pissed of and said he'd heard nothign of it. So is said my little brother has been booked holiday off and miss slater knows, he shoudl to. And well, yep, i was going tomorrow and i'd be back friday. So were having it friday. He kept telling me basically not to assume ill be comign back next year. I really want to continue, i havent come this way for nothing. If they throw me out now, all my work from this year would mean nothing, and id have to start this year all over again at a different place. Plus i dont want to let my tech teacher down, she knows i can go far and has faith in me. Both my teachers and i have talked and are alright with things. Im suprised he hasnt talked to them yet. Miss slater though is very nice and i know she'll stick up for me. I'll stand my ground though ill tell him everything. I'm being hung by a thread until friday. The meeting is 11:10am as well, and i get back around 10ish that morning from holland, but i will make it i have too. Frans left a message on the school phone to talk to him so it might help. I just feel really upset and sad now, kind of empty knowing i have a fair chance if being kicked out. It cant happen. I'm gonna try everything i can to stay, bloody bastard.

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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2005|08:50 pm]
I saw matt today in tesco, Matt Miller (ex-b/f). In fact i was served by him. I would've gone somewhere else of course, but he had noone at his and every other one did around him lol. It was really nice to talk to him again, and normally, hadn't spoken aggges. I didn't really look at him though, have got a coupel of extra spots that will go due tovery clsoe to 'time of the bloody month' PERIOD *still prays*.

I've had a thought. I want to wear my hair down but i can't. It sounds stupid i know (for the ones that dont knwo me well). I dont wear it don at all, ive had it up for as long as i can remember. One reosn why i havent done it is because it'll be such a shock to everyone aroudn me as it'll be such a big change. And then i'll get attention and i dont liek attention and people thinking, talking baout me when im around. But i think i'll look better with it down (once it's dyed and had a little cut). But i dont knwo when:(

sorry about the crappy link in last post for the french and saunders kill bill sketch. Just go to here http://www.frenchandsaunders.com/forums/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=002901 and scroll down to the post where someone says "If anybody wants to download the Kill Bill sketch I've uploaded it to the web. This link is valid for 7 days if no more than 25 people download the file. Here's the link to download it..."
if it doesnt work still scroll up abit and they'd be another link form someone.
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(no subject) [Jul. 4th, 2005|08:54 pm]
















I stumbled across the F+S kill bill sketch today! it's hlarious, so i though i'd share it with you.


If it doesnt work and you have a pop up blocker, you need to disable untill you've downloaded it.

here's some pics to tease u with.

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(no subject) [Jul. 2nd, 2005|11:57 am]
oh yeah! i went to the doctors the other day and managed to persuade her to give me the pill! i said i only wanted them for my spots. She had to take my blood pressure and everything and my weight. Then she said i'd put on quite a bit of weight over the past 2 years. So i didn't say anything to see if she'd figure out for herself why, and maybe she knew already, i dunno lol. Anyway, i have it, ha! Now im praying for a period. I actually WANT one to come. It's cos i have to take the pill the day i come on, then continuously take 1 every day for 21days on. Then after i come of for 7 days to allow my period.
But i somehting popped up in my mind about this pill.
Well when i was anorexic i had no periods due to lack of oestrogen. My mum said my growth basically stunted during that time, so im like half a year behind than others. Then i thought well, the pill stops oestrogen or something, so does that mean it stunts growth? if it did it means my spot cycle will be also be stunted o_0
But again i come of for 7 days to allow a period i think, so i guess it might not happen lol @___@
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(no subject) [Jul. 2nd, 2005|10:53 am]
I like that song rebels trying to play at the moment. Its by a dead person with the lastname ludvico. I was falling asleep to it last night when rebel was playing, it a really nice song. I was dreaming away when listening to it, with a person in my head playing it on piano *lol* and then rebel mucked up at one part,so she re-tried it again, then again, then again lol. So the piano person in my head was doing it to ^____^
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:( [Jun. 25th, 2005|12:49 pm]
I went to textiles yesterday, and found out somehting. Our teacher is leaving!
it came out so naturally. Our teacher, bailey, just said to me 'oh do you know i wont be hear next year (term, September)'. When seh said it i wasn't really shocked for some reaosn, i guess it was becaus she'd told us a minute beforehand that her mother was ill and she had to look after her, which is also why. Now though it's hit me. One of the main reason why i staye don at sixth form, was because she was my teacher. We get along well and shje's super-duper nice and helpfull all the time. I'm really gonna miss her:( However, she told the rest of my class beforehand in a lesson (I wasn't in)and the other girl, jacki, said "who's going to supply me with little bits a pieces now? i'll be emailing you all the time for things". She said it in ajokingly way but did Bailey give her email out to our class and i didn't git it cos i wasn't in? I'm sure she'll give it to me anyway, that'll be cool.
It's not fair though, cos rebels leaving me to!:( (you twat) eveyrones leaving around me! donna wa sognna leave but she's managed to stay on. If she left, i'd have none, and i mean it lol. i dont have any other friends because they went to different colleges etc.
I told Bailey this as well yesterday (only cos she asked) and i think she felt a little bad so delayed her leaving thiang abit lol.
i'll quit complainging now, i still have donna, and you sarah! hey, some nights when rebels not here, you can over^_^ only if u want though lol.

me gotta get ready for work now.
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